Belief in a dream

My existential problem: I am in a room. I would like to be in another room, my previous room. The room of the existence of GOD. That room is nice, it is small, it can be surveyed with confidence and its furniture is familiar to me. But now the room has stopped existing. Its virtual space can only be lived in at the cost of something I call truth, but is maybe closer to cogency. The truth, or the more compelling image of the world has become so much bigger. The comfortable room has been swallowed by a much bigger, emptier space. The small comfortable room is lost in this bigger space and feels like an excrescence. It still exists as an image, but only as a rejected image. It is the excretion of the digestive system of this bigger more compelling image which will no doubt one day be digested by an even bigger picture of truth. I am not sure I like the room I am in now, it is unfamiliar, I shall need to explore it. I wouldn’t mind going back into the small room. But in going back I shall enter not the comfortable room I want to find but an even larger even emptier space, the space of bad faith. So here I am, in a truth, or at least an image of truth so large I will never find the furniture, which I know will not be made to my measure. I want to go back to the smaller room. But that room of bad faith is now occupied by people that I do not really like very much. They eat old truths, excreted truths which by sheer will. They eat off the street of an unsustainable belief.