“You understand
nothing I see,’ said Damian steadily.’the pleasure I felt then was the pleasure
of my independent thoughts whilst my body, like my life, was at your commmand.
My livelyhood depended on being able to please you, in this as in other things,
the preparation of cravats, the service of wine and sweatmeats, the ready
presentation of whips and cigarillos. If I was able to to discharge my seed on
your body or your cushions, my lord, it was because inside my head I watched
like a voluptuous Sultan, a scene in
which you were bound, ankles to neck, with cords that cut your fine flesh,
whilst black girls whipped you with bull pizzles. I could come at will at the
imaginary sight of those imaginary runnels of blood, Sir, my friend, and so I
was able to fulfill my duty. Of which I am now absolved.
Culvert sat upright, and the shadows
chased each other like clouds across his ivory brow. ‘Perhaps,’ he said
doubtfully, ‘that is how we should proceed. I cannot I fear provide black
fgirls or Bull pizzles, but cords there are in pleanty, and perhaps you should
blind and hurt me, and thus fulfill your desires.’
‘You still do not
understand,” said the other. ‘Those too were the desires of a servant, a
bondsman, a man with a master. Those are the desires of a man whose desires are
secret, not his own, at another’s command. Now I am a free man, or so you
seemed to say, and I must learn the desires of a free man. And perhaps what I
desire is perhaps not to do with you at all.” (A.S. Byatt, 1996: 70-71)